Cosmic Honey 4: Communi-tized

Lots of fucking people around. That’s pretty much how far my pre-game internal analysis went in terms of prepping myself for the journey from solo existence in Los Angeles to community living at Cosmic Honey. I was certainly aware that there was more to the notion of community living than bulk human cargo inhabiting a singular structure, but I could never really take myself past this surface notion…. I was scared. Because it was new. Plus, it was like, what the fuck do I do if some kind of shared community hive mind philosophy exists at Cosmic that would be too much for me to take? For starters, it would definitely suck privates (effective political correctness?), but it would also feel like a loss to me.

After jumping from my house in Burbank in March, to subletting in Silver Lake in April, to cat sitting in Culver City in May, I was coming to believe that I was cultivating something about myself through my Covid-era experiences. The idea that I was doing something different was received, internally at least, encouragingly. I was breaking free from an old rigor, a forced upon formulaic method of living that felt like I was checking some kind of box. So… with all this new, positive newness going on for me… what if Cosmic Honey/Bay Area style living was a bridge too far? Man… that would suck at this point in this (self-invented) game of open-mindedness and life change I’ve been playing. So, I think the internal defense mechanism was to just do. Make the drive up I-5. Ingest the new reality only through the prism of... I’ll be going to a place, that’s like any place, but simply filled with more people.

The never having been to Burning Man thing was probably what caused the most problems. The community notion of sharing meals, sharing tasks, sharing projects, sharing costumes, sharing so much (!) was probably the biggest learning curve for me at Cosmic. It’s not that Cosmic was strictly mirroring Burning Man, I think it was just within the coalescence of Bay Area community housing, ultimate Frisbee teammates, and Burning Man-ness that was evident at Cosmic, it felt like Burning Man was the most present cultural touchstone within the group. And it makes sense… (“outsider,” Dime Store insight forthcoming…)… Burning Man’s like camping, and building shit, and, overall, generating this bigger experience for yourself through the shared interactivity others... So yeah, it really resembled a day at Cosmic. Or vice versa. Experientially, I think the big dissonance for me between solo and community living, was that I was in Burning Man/Community boot camp amidst a gang of Burning Man/Community Navy Seals.

Predictably, I did go through the disillusionment of my actual community experiences at Cosmic melting away my early, simplistic narratives of plural people living. Yes, I was part of some hippy shit. I participated in a New Moon ceremony at midnight, and I attended a Dirt Ceremony to commemorate the literal dirt that we were to build a barn on top of the next morning. Yes! There were flowy costumes, there was a magic show, and there were many, many, many shares, and a Heart Circle each week, and much more of these types of things… But it still went back to the people. And not just more people as opposed to less people, but the new YOU that exists in this singular, community based dynamic with this specific group of people. The You of old does not serve the You that is needed there. Parts of you are still relevant, but you learn quickly that there is a much bigger machine that’s running (that needs to run) regardless of what you’re bringing to table. And it’s not an overt “get in line” or “find your place” mentality that’s foisted upon you by the group, but rather it’s a subtle perceptual reinforcement that you discover for yourself… to make this work, You must adjust, You must change, You must cultivate something about yourself that is new and making the most of this experience…

Fuck. Wasn’t that my goal from the start with or without Cosmic? Fuck. It was. And now the opportunity to transform this esoteric, far flung very personal desire into something very real is right in front of me… and it’s SO fucking difficult to wrap my arms around. Change? In real time? That’s what getting communi-tized (catchy title?) was for me. I had a place, a group, a mentality where I could change, despite it being all the shitty adjectives that change is. And nobody was telling me how to do it. In fact, everyone at Cosmic at some point or another told me they had no idea how to do it themselves. So… as my last night at Cosmic arrived, and a gratitude circle encompassed me, and compliments reigned, I was informed that my experiences there had informed, and benefited, the changes that the others were undergoing (invisibly) beside me. What? This sense, this big reveal, that my newbie stumbles had positively impacted the progress of these community vets was the true payoff… and why I’m likely going back someday soon.

Closer!